poetry


Wendy House

As a child I would wipe my chalkboard clean
Without a second thought
Without a concern for the scenes I had so carelessly drawn out
In a box of a wendy house in the far corner of my garden, hidden behind a lemon tree
The canopy of an old truck, fixed with a little door, I needed nothing more
The sun sneaking through the corners in streaks of gold
But even then my mind was cramped with too many thoughts
Even then after a while I noticed the old chalk showing through
Creeping from behind my new drawing, there was the past
It upset me then, ruining my new pretty picture,
Almost pointing out how I could not draw the perfect flower before
How could I do it now.

*

Heavy

To be a part of something would be a comfort,
Feeling lost and lonely can break a persons heart
A sense of independence rushes through the inside,
But only lasts so long, before turning into a lonely game of solitaire
On your cold sheets, crumpled and covered in salty tears
The drive in your car is the closest thing to comfort
Music drowning out the thoughts of self destruction
Leaving you with nothing, but the blankest of stares
Til you reach your destination, predictable and done
Take a look inside, an empty bar stool is bound to invite you in
For no reason at all, other than to forget all traces of pain
Nights are all pushed into one, all the same, all too routine
With no place in the world you start to wonder
Why you even play this soul destroying game.

*

Hidden

In the dark of the night.
Swallowed up, fingers intertwined.
Closer and closer.
Till the clock hits four.
It’s the dark of the night when she is loved.
It’s the heat of the sun when she is wrung out and worn.
Sunrise and eyes too small.
It’s the dark of the night when she is loved.
To be thrown to the wolves the first sight of dawn.
And as the sun creeps low to sleep.
They come running with closed doors.
For she will be hidden.
In the dark of the night.
For it’s the heat of the sun when she is wrung out and worn.

*

The Cliff

I have been running for months, running, just running
Every single roar my body makes is apparent to me, every feeling intensified
My breath sucking you in and out, with absolute hatred and pleasure
Tired feet still hitting hard against the ground, as if you could feel the force
Rushing wind whipping violently through my hair, just the way you used to
The consequences of us entered me into this unforgiving race,
At the same time they sat you on the sideline and called it habit
But I am pushing through the force of it all, and its hardly a challenge
If anything it feels satisfying, dangerously satisfying
Knowing there is a cliff up ahead and its a drop you won't forget
A drop that could rip someone right in two
But all that's filled inside me is the sense of untameable youth
I'm going to run right over the edge of you and just like that...
Fall into freedom

*

Revelry

Water soaking through soles as each puddle grows deeper
Spreading through your canvas shoes like wild fire
Reminds me of blood staining cotton,
Climbing up each thread the way you crawl along my spine

Running down your throat is a wave of my preferred state of mind
Even though it scares me into a corner of my own uncertainty
I will drink the last drops, as bitter as they are and join you in revelry
This is my favorite you

*

Release


Should have seen it coming from a distance
Your comfort and your kind
Starting off like a gentle breeze
Sweeping me under, until finally
Pulling, dragging and ripping at the seams
Left with an aching mind
It always ends in a storm of no release
While open grasslands filled with no recall
Draw me closer than the black tar
Laid thick across your street
And now I’m spinning round in circles
Instead of finding myself weary and beat
Left with an aching mind
While running around your disdainful feet

*

Observing the world around me

Two characters in a bar
One high on new beginnings, full of expression
One high on social interaction, taking it all in
She smokes far too many cigarettes
And drowns in self pity
He claims to hate people
In general
Whisky is the only thing they have in common
Her mind wanders as he carries on with his story
Thinking about how she would feel
In the morning, lying on his pillow staring at his back
The urge to draw patterns of nothingness with her fingertips, just to touch him
She doesn’t even know why she would want him
Of all people
He doesn’t care for much, but he acts as though he would
She gets fulfilment just knowing they are in public, together
He gets loud on the topic of greatness and all things sexual, alone
Its time she got up and left, but she won’t
Not yet
Its time he got up and left, and he will
Whenever he pleases

*

Take me down, Arizona

Lets take a trip
Watch the sunrise, pull out some wine
Fly away freedom
I don’t know you, but you’re my kind
Winding down, Arizona
Feeling high, Arizona
Won’t you take me down
Take me down, Arizona

Find out my secrets
Breaking boundries, corner cutting
No eyes on the future
Just an ashtray, discussing money

Winding down, Arizona
Feeling high, Arizona
Won’t you take me down
Take me down, Arizona 

And now you’re telling me stories
While I lie on your floor
Feeling of freedom
Simple and satisfying
Dangerously gratifying 
Take me down, Arizona 

*

Turning back to the world you lost

There are things that I miss
Being typically me
The sound of your voice
Hushing me back to sleep
Running fingers through your hair
While you look at me, unwearyingly
Now you’ve gone and left, no goodbyes
Respect is something we never had, you and I
Getting back to what you loved the most
Turning back to the world you lost

*

Paper Jets
Let’s play pretend
Convincing ourselves
We’ll be okay in the end
Let’s play pretend
We’ll build a wall in between
Throw our paper jets
With words of kindness
Carefully folded, molded
Until there is only one left
Leaving won’t be easy
When I am left behind
I’ll float in the ocean
Listen to the echoes
And see what I can find

*

The Belated Loss

I want to fill my lungs with cold air and scream into a pillow in hopes that the sick tightness in my throat will scream itself out and stick to the cotton of the cover rather than cling to my tired soul.
Feelings of absolute happiness bruised by the punch of loss that keeps getting thrown to me.
And I try to feel it all, as much as I can... if only to get rid of it sooner.
I sit with the blankest of stares wondering if there is any point to letting people in only to show them the way out at some point, is it worth the rigid swallows and sickest pulls in the pit of your stomach.
Is there any point of fighting to make something work out of pure adoration for someone or should some things just be put to bed.
The only answer to any of this..
Just let it go,
Feel it,
Breathe in the pain,
Hurt,
Cry
And then release it,
Regret will only hold you back while you feign happiness.
Everything is going to be okay,
I promise.

*

Warning Call

how can this be easy, how can this be done
when all the world is sleeping
we turn our backs and run
your ideas of us are not far from fair
but then you seal your lips and leave with little care

take me to the forest where the trees grow tall
wake me up, shake me up
give me a warning call

i'll make this easy, i'll make it quick
i'll misbehave best i can
to make your heart feel sick
you ran toward me full speed ahead
but this girl was never ready despite what she might have said

*

With You

Wrapped in salty air
Forgetting to breathe past the past
Open our lungs and let the air rush in
No need for sails or a foretold path

With you I breathe easy
With you I am sure
With you I see hope when there is no more

The seas have changed
The waves are calm and we know where we belong
Tried everything we learnt before
Only to realise there is no need to try, only reason to be
I ain't lonely in this anymore

Smothered with uncertainty
The strings hold tight around my heart
Lets hang our arms overboard
Tilt our heads back and laugh


With you I breathe easy
With you I am sure
With you I see hope when there is no more

The seas have changed
The waves are calm and we know where we belong
Tried everything we learnt before
Only to realise there is no need to try, only reason to be
I ain't lonely in this anymore

*

Anxiety

Anxiety fights its way in
Getting the better of me
The better of me again
Some nights I don't sleep
Some nights the dreams, they creep
Still getting the better of me
The better of me again

But there is a warmth
A warmth keeping me safe
Its holding me close
Keeping me me sane
There is a voice
A voice keeping me calm
Making sure I'm okay
Safe from all harm

The anxiety
It fights its way in
Getting the better of me
The better of me again
Some nights I don't sleep
Some nights the dreams, they creep
Still getting the better of me
The better of me yet again

*

Set Me Alight

Take me away
Far away from this world
Where the flames roar
And pulses run high
Take me away
Far away from this world
When the sky is clear
Teach me how to fly

Set me on fire
Im ready to burn
Come closer now
Come closer now
Pull me under
While pulling me out
Come closer now
Come closer now
Set me alight

Lead me down
Down to the ground
Where the grass grows
When covered in snow
Lead me down
Down to the ground
Where hands wander
And air runs low

*

Buried Feet

It sits there
Hiding in the shadows
Your faults etched in ink on someone else’s heart, permanent and scarring
Untying yourself from a mess of rope is only a temporary freedom
You can still feel him rock your boat whilst he stands on the shore
His eyes showing flickers of sadness, hopelessness and regret
Or is that just the reflection of yours
You start to dig up the earth, furiously
Creating holes for your wandering feet in hopes that burying them will keep you steady
Keep you from making the same mistakes again
Keep you from creating the same look of sadness in another’s eyes

*

The Darling

I am bent beneath the surface
A crooked mind stretched for miles
Every morning as the clock strikes six
I’ll throw on that appropriate smile
The one they all like
 
But everything is fine, yes it’s alright
We’ll be fine
Because the darling of the world is happy in my eyes
Yes everything is fine, it’ll be alright
I’ll be fine
Because the darling of this world found a hope inside

I will look into those liquid eyes
Feel the blackest of voids stretching wide
Watch their backs growing smaller each time
I’ll get ripped away in this sinful tide

But everything is fine, yes it’s alright
We’ll be fine
Because the darling of the world is happy in my eyes
Yes everything is fine, it’ll be alright
I’ll be fine
Because my darling of this world found a hope inside

*
Wait
If I could say anything
Anything at all
With no judgement passed
Knowing it was all going to last
I would tell you
That everyday I fall
Right back                               
Right back
In love with you

I'd tell you
Wait for me boy
It won't be too long                 
There's no doubt I want you
No matter what we've done

If you could say anything         
Anything at all
With no judgement passed
Knowing it was all going to last
Would you tell me
All that you feel
And more                               
More                                      
Before I fall
Right back
Right back
In love with you

*

Little Path

There is a little path
In my head
A little path
It winds and bends
Promising my heart will mend

I will follow you
To the depths of the forest
I will follow you
To the darkest cave
And when I get there
Glowing and hopeful
You will have left without a care

There is a little path
In my head
A little path
It winds and bends
Promises that never end

I look for you
On your pretty path
Left for me to see
Cover your tracks
Spare my heart
Or take me up ahead
Hand in hand
Dance with me
Or leave me better off dead

There is a little path
In my head
A little path
It stops and starts
My little heart, broken again


*

Perhaps Its Possible

Now I know it’s a different time
But I never got that kind of kind
Perhaps it’s possible
Oh perhaps it’s possible

I was never right
I was all wrong
She has you like a string,
Wrapped around her finger
I think this time I turn around,
And leave you forever
I did, yeah I did all I ever could
I have to keep moving forward
Perhaps it’s possible
Oh perhaps it’s possible
I was never right
I was all wrong
She has you like a string,
Wrapped around her finger
I think this time I turn around,
And leave you forever

Perhaps it’s possible
I can’t feel, I can’t breathe
Oh perhaps it’s possible
You love her more
Than you ever did me

*

House

Conversations at the table
Tapping feet on the floor
Whispers behind doors,
Private talks behind walls

This is the beginnning of the end
Of the end, my friend
This is the beginning of the end

House of lovers and house of friends
House of strangers trying to pretend

Debates at the table,
Stomping feet on the floor
Slamming of doors
And shouts behind walls

This is the beginnning of the end
Of the end, my friend
This is the beginning of the end

House of lovers and house of friends
House of strangers trying to pretend

This is the beginnning of the end
Of the end, my friend
This is the beginning of the end

This is a house of lovers and house of friends
A house of strangers just trying to pretend...

*

Solitude

The strength I have was not given
It was built
It was built through the lack of your presence
I needed touch
I needed emotions to run high
You needed silence
Silence which brought on lies
I'm dying silently and slowly now
Wrap your arms around me and hold me
Thats all you needed to do
Till my eyes dry up
Keep these tears a secret and just hold me
Hold two years of pain
Till there is nothing left
Until I float away

*

Hopelessly Bound

Got to keep it together
I won't go astray
Come on just keep it together
Never look his way

He's lurking around corners
Could show up at any time
With a face of a lover
I swear these actions aren't mine

I'm hopeless
Hopelessly bound
He's hopeless
Hopelessly wound
We tied these ropes
Ropes bounding us two
They'll throw us to the ocean
We are of no use


He's lurking around corners
Could show up at any time
With a face of a lover
A lover that was once mine

I'm hopeless
Hopelessly bound
He's hopeless
Hopelessly wound
We tied these ropes
Ropes bounding us two
They'll throw us to the ocean
We are of no use
We have to keep swimming
Its the best we can do

*

Tragic Story of Us

Your fire threw a spark in my direction
It was the beginning of our chapter
The promises you made
So beautiful
Would only end in disaster

The snow gathered on the window pane
As we sat needingly beside eachother
Oblivious of what was to come
Each one more dependant on the other

This story has no ending
Misunderstood and to no ones gain
For the ending was forgotten
Which led to the greatest of my pain

And so is the tragic story of us.

*

Helsinki

I know of a place
Locked away in my heart
A place where I felt safe
I remember a time
Not too long ago
A time when you were mine
But things change
Memories become twisted
Life moves forward
And we become distant
It was the happiest escape
Yet everything went wrong
Its not with you
That I belong
But Ill find it one day
And so will you
Us tarnished creatures
Deserve love too...

*

This Moment

Falling slowly, deep down within
I need you, if only for a day
Sinking in the shadows, I'm done
I need you, you take the pain away

If only a smile, a wink, a laugh
I need you more and more
Each moment
Forget the past, the present, the romance
I need you more and more
This moment

Drowning now, in breathlessness
I need you, save me from my pride
This throat, its closing up
I need you, I need you on my side

If only a smile, a wink, a laugh
I need you more and more
Each moment
Forget the past, the present, the romance
I need you more and more
This moment


*

Sunshine Up Ahead

You shot me from a distance
Hardly checked if I was okay
I lay there barely breathing
And that is where I stayed
You knocked the air straight out of me
Into another womans' lungs
Now she breathes easily
I think this time we're done

*

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